Comedian_In_Chief's Xanga

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 04:34:41 GMT

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 18:51:23 GMT

"That's George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three — three or four books about him last year. Isn't that interesting?" —George W. Bush, while showing German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann the Oval Office, Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

"I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake." —George W. Bush, on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006 (sad thing is that it's probably true)

"I think — tide turning — see, as I remember — I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of — it's easy to see a tide turn — did I say those words?" —George W. Bush, asked if the tide was turning in Iraq, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 06:39:56 GMT

I agree

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Tue, 02 May 2006 01:12:37 GMT

As most of you know, today is when over a million immigrants, most of them illegal, march in hope for a path to citizenship and against a law that might make illegal immigration a felony.

One doesn't need to look far to see the irony of this situation, what are they protesting against? Is it wrong that we punish the lawbreakers in our country? Is it wrong that we grant the legal immigrants citizenship while denying citizenship to those who do not obey our laws? It is ridiculous and utterly mind-boggling that illegal immigrants are protesting against the government trying to enforce the rules. Even more ridiculous that some Americans are being persuaded by their arguments.

The illegal immigrants argue that they are hardworking people, what about the hardworking legal immigrants? Is it fair that the ones who obey our laws are losing job opportunities to illegal immigrants? If we give amnesty to the illegal immigrants, we will only be sending out a terrible message to the legal immigrants that the procedures and laws in our countries are worthless.

They argue that the illegal immigrants are poor and desperate, is being poor and desperate a justification for breaking a law? I'm sure many robbers, thieves, and murderers are as miserable as the illegal immigrants, but that that in any way justify their crime? There are many ways to enter this country legally, if they just pick one of those, we wouldnt have all these dumb problems.

What the hell has America become...is this the type of freedom that our founding fathers had in mind? That we had the right to break laws, and protest if the government tries to enforce them? Heck, at the rate this is going, we might soon see convicts all over the country protesting whenever America tries to crack down on crime. Do the right thing, and show the World that America is a country with law and order. Illegal immigrants don't deserve America's wealth and opportunity, it belongs to AMERICANS and those who respect and obey our laws.

on the bright side, here's a funny quote

"I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."

another one

"The scandal of the week for the White House is that Dick Cheney's main man Scooter Libby says that it was Bush himself who approved leaking classified information. I find that hard to believe, that President Bush is allowed to see classified information."

Friday, March 24, 2006

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 19:52:19 GMT

whoo hoo it's the third anniversary of the Iraq War, with 2000+ dead and who knows how many Iraqis dead. Actually, the third anniversary was this Monday, but I was too lazy to update.

It seems like only yesterday when the bush administration said "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." while standing under a mission accomplished banner.

or

"We know he's been absolutely devoted to trying to acquire nuclear weapons, and we believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons."

or

"We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat." Rumsfield referring to the WMD

or

"Already, the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations."

and the clear winner...drumroll!

"Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties."-Dubya

wonderful, just wonderful.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 04:41:27 GMT

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 20:05:57 GMT

No exit strategy

President Bush tried to escape from a news conference in Beijing after facing hostile questions from reporters, only to be thwarted by locked doors.

see video here

http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/bushvideos/v/bushnoexit.htm

Top Ten Thoughts Going Through George W. Bush's Mind When He Tried to Open That Locked Door In China

10. "Damn, Al-Queda"
9. "Am I that hungover?"
8. "Wish I'd thought of an exit strategy"
7. "It was easier to get out of the national guard"
6. "Hey, at least I didn't throw up like daddy"
5. "I just heard Oprah's going on Letterman"
4. "I know how to solve this problem — tax cuts for the rich"
3. "I hope this doesn't hurt my chances of getting reelected"
2. "I need another five week vacation"
1. "Talk to Condi about invading China

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 06:52:46 GMT

Bush's Iraq Speech

References to “September 11″: 5

References to “weapons of mass destruction”: 0

References to “freedom”: 21

References to “exit strategy”: 0

References to “Saddam Hussein”: 2

References to “Osama Bin Laden”: 2

References to “a mistake”: 1 (setting a timetable for withdrawal)

References to “mission”: 11

References to “mission accomplished”:

Friday, April 29, 2005

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 00:06:08 GMT

click here to watch video of First Lady Laura Bush's comedy routine at the 2005 White House Correspondents' Dinner, in which she roasts her husband and admits to being a "desperate housewife."

found some pretty funny pictures, mostly to do with Bush and him holding hadns with that prince from Saudi arabia. Wonder what about the Saudi prince is so attractive...perhapes it can be all those oil reserves???

haha notice how they're holding hands, yet the article on the right is banning gay marriage?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 04:11:00 GMT

A pretty funny spoof of Bush singing P.I.M.P.

I find this very funny